For months I have been wreastling with my farm in my head. It was my dream forever. I wanted it so badly. I loved it whole heartedly for a long time. But the last couple years we have done a bad job at it. We cant keep the yard up. Let alone garden and tend animals to the degree I want to.
I have almost sold the animals so many times. But my heart still wanted them. I wasnt ready for it to end.
But I am not sure why I have held on so long to this. It isnt a good fit for us. We just cant keep up and I feel like things go undone or I am nagging myself or others to do it. I feel the farm has cost us kindness and love for each other. I no longer want this long list of chores to nagg at me. I no longer want to not do fun things. I want us to have time to fully enjoy life. Not can, garden or milk cows.
We are tied to home milking. We even buy all our dairy products at the store besides milk. My family prefers store bought cheese, sour cream, yogurt, ice cream. And most of them dont drink milk anymore. So it is a huge task to keep up with milk.
I no longer try. I no longer make anything but coffee from the cream. Or gravy. Otherwise it all goes to chickens as sour milk. That is such a waste. I am wanting Fawn to be where her goods are cherished. And I am sorry that isnt here.
I am no longer clueless to why I am done farming. And I am mostly totally fine with being done. A farm should serve its people. Ours doesn't serve us. We prefer the grocery store. Even though I dont want to. It is just the reality of it. We cant afford to hobby farm. So we have to move on.
So everyone is for sale. I plan to only keep the dogs. Astrid though is 9 or 10. So she will only be around a little longer. And that makes me saddest of all.
I dont know what we will do. I dont know where we will go. I just know I am done here. Totally and completely.
Em
