She is with child...

This is Bonnie...

She is expecting again... But has never had a litter survive. Such is the life of a farm animal...her and Clyde are our longest surviving cats... I kinda like them as far as cats go. But I have threatened to get rid of Clyde a few times. He likes to get underfoot at times... Overall decent cats. They earn their keep at let.

Astride puppies week one.

  This day I only got close ups of porker. He is white. And massive. Goldie is not white. ;) both are available soon. Sorry to my children... We are not keeping them. And they both might have homes... Yeah!

March 23rd 2014

See this precious girly? Oh I love her. This is my niece. Baby E. :)

I realized on the way to church on Sunday that it was march 23rd. Eleven years after our first miscarriage. This sweet baby above has the same name. On the way to church I realized that I could hold a baby with her name on the anniversary of her birth. :) I was so glad to hug her that day. To smell her head. To kiss her. To squish her. 

   Our girl ( I am not sharing her first name just so you don't know the baby aboves) E. Joy was our first loss. I never would have thought pain goes on this long. Not huge. Not daily. But still there. 

   Holding her Sunday was balm to my soul. She is a great snuggler. It was hard the first hearing of her name. Only cause I was surprised. It wasn't a common name. But it is such a blessing to have her share the name. And I wasn't expecting to feel so much healing on Sunday. 

   Our God is greater. 

Mine whooey.

Ahhhh.... Mine whooey in her puppy shirt.

  I just fixed a cup of coffee and I am now hiding in my room. Hoping I won't be discovered for a half hour. 

   ( I was just discovered. Stink. That lasted 2 minutes. Lil, but I sent her on...)

  I am one that adores quiet alone time. That I rarely get. The other day I hid in the bathroom and the first 5 minutes I had 3 children and a husband find me. Job security I guess. ;)

   Once upon a time I didn't like moms complaining and constantly talking about 'me time'. I think I was only harsh. But at the same time I think it is often abused. Hard to find the balance. I used to get my quiet time at nap time. Then also at bedtime. Not anymore. Not all my children are napers now. And I go to bed before or at the same time as a couple of my children now. Being more introverted it wore on me hard. I found myself getting grumpy easier. Tuning them out more. That isn't a great way to be a mom. 

   Guilt played a large role. I didn't want to have the attitude of wanting to get away from my blessings. I let it eat at me. Memories of moms sitting around the table at MOPS complaining about their husbands and children.  If I even thought a couple of minutes alone sounded good, I decided that I was one of 'them'. (Interrupted again, this time Rhyyan) 

     But really is needing a little quiet bad? I don't think so. Jesus even had to get away to pray and prepare his heart. So I am trying hard not to feel guilty to take a few minutes alone. Relaxing. Praying. Reading. Anything. 

    The other day we needed to both drive a car. So I rode alone. Windows down. Music up loud. It felt so good. I didn't even know I needed it so bad. (Rhyyan again...) 

    So (rhyyan again) now I lost my thought...

   Oh! I talked to Patrick about it all. And my guilt. Guilt. That is not a good word. At least not unnecessary guilt. He understood. And helped me realize it was not a bad thing to take a few minutes. 

       I am just a person that craves quiet alone. And I need it to fill myself with strength and peace to continue on.

  Ahhhh....

Lookalike

See any resemblance with him and someone in my house? 

 I see it so strongly. Wondering if I am the only one...

Our new puppy... Sandy

We just got a new puppy. Last Wednesday night we finalized the shipping arrangements. She was to be flown in from Alaska ( www.dk-9.com is where she is from) the very next morning we got 2 surprises... One our chicks were in. We were thinking they would come in the next week... We were -- surprise surprise--- not prepared. Patrick went straight to work building the brooder. We always raise our chickens in this room of the barn... But only having so much room we change things around often. And ran to town to get supplies and another town to get our chicks. Now we have week old chicks that are adorable. 25 Rhode Island reds 75 Cornish cross. Minus 4 that died. Children removed them. So I am unsure which died. 

    And while he was building... I stepped out back to the back of the barn to milk and found that Astrid. Our Anatolian/great Pyrenees had had her first set of puppies... Father is unknown... There are two. She was in labor several days and myself had no clue. The rest died. 7 puppies total. I felt so bad for her. But also relieved that we only have to deal with the two. And I have two children that think the puppies belong to them... Thankfully we have options. Two friends have volunteered to take a puppy. They both love astrid. So they were excited to hear puppies had been born. I honestly don't want to keep them. But soon might borrow a friends Anatolian/ Pyrenees mix dog for a couple mths if we can. Those I'd love to have a couple of. I'm not a fan of mutts. I like to know what my puppies are made of. 

    Here is a collage Parris made of her and sandy. 

   They both are pros at sticking out their tongues. ;) 

They kinda look alike, no? Kidding. Sounded good though. :P

I'll post a picture of astride later. They have seriously doubled in size since they were born a week ago. Despite Lilley being scared she isn't feeding them enough....

Oh! Astrid had her first kill! It was a possum. She has in the past brought us possums and knocked on the door so we could kill them. Guess her puppies changed her.

She is my baby girl. I love her. 

    

My bookends. (Currently)

My oldest and youngest. I can't even tell you the depths of my love for them. 

My oldest and youngest both as children and daughters. I can't sleep tonight. Passed my tired area... Oops.

But I was thinking. My youngest often gets replaced by one younger. But my oldest. She is always the oldest. Once upon a time she was both. Might seen to be a silly comment. But as the oldest sibling myself, it means a lot. And as a mom, it means even more. Do you know my Parris? Then your blessed beyond words. Truly. She is smart,funny, kind, helpful, loving ( it is no surprise that Parris means lover) hardworking, beautiful and this barely touches the surface. But one more word is.. Mine. 

     She has taught me so much. And made me examine me. And heard me say I'm sorry more times than I'd like to admit. Yet not enough. She is helping me grow up yet stay young. I love her with all that I am. I didn't birth her. But that isn't a needed thing to love her intensely. 

   It is spring break. So she is at her moms. I am clueless how i will survive summer break. Though one thing is certain. Ill get her share of the morning coffee...I miss her so much. But she and our new dog get home tomorrow.  

   I can't wait to hug my girls neck. I thank The Lord for her. <3